I don’t watch much television. When I do, it might be a ball game or some other sport – so I see my fair share of beer commercials.

I guess because I’m in “the biz”, I pay more attention to the messaging and overall content of this stuff than the average person – and some of what I hear and see – aside from scantily-clad bikini babes – really leaves me scratching my head . . .

EXAMPLE NO. 1
Coors Light’s tagline – “The Coldest Tasting Beer in the World”

OK, read the tagline again. Think about what it says for a moment. Done? IT MAKES NO @#$%&* SENSE!! Nothing can “taste” cold. Something can “be” cold. And something can have a cool sensation through flavor – like mint. BUT NOTHING CAN “TASTE” COLD!!! Even a block of ice doesn’t “taste” cold!

Now, I know I shouldn’t get all worked up over this . . . because the next few examples are even more absurd.

EXAMPLE NO. 2
Miller Lite’s “Vortex” bottle
This came out a little over a year ago – you’ve probably seen the promotions. Miller Lite claims the spiral grooves in the neck cause the beer to “swirl” out of the bottle when poured – enhancing the flavor and drinkability. WHAT? COME ON! What really blows my mind is that Miller sank some serious dough into this. Owens-Illinois, Miller’s glass bottle manufacturer – developed a proprietary embossing process specifically for this effort. It was actually a big deal in the glass manufacturing industry, with Owens-Illinois winning numerous industry awards. Maybe they served Miller Lite to the panel that judges such things.

And finally . . .

EXAMPLE NO. 3
I’m sticking with Miller Lite here – The Punch Top Can
I’m sure you’ve seen it. The top features an extra smaller hole to punch open to make the beer come out smoother (less glug, glug) – and faster. You know guys – like when you loosen the smaller cap on your gas can so you don’t spill gasoline all over the top of the lawn mower – and that nice hot muffler. Maybe it’s me, but I find it hard to believe that anyone who drinks beer directly out of a can gives a hoot about how “smoothly” the beer is coming out. It certainly may make shot-gunning beers a little more convenient for the college crowd however.

I don’t know. I guess I have to conclude that beer companies and their marketers think beer drinkers:

A)   just don’t pay attention
B)   are out-right stupid
C)   or are just, well, intoxicated

Well . . . OK . . . I guess all 3 are a possibility.

And don’t even get me started about the cans and bottles that tell you when your beer is cold! INSANITY!